Thursday, January 11, 2007

The name is Pratik

I don't know why I'm doing this. I have to be crazy, which funnily enough I am, and very stupid, which again I could be. All those who know me are aware that I hate being called any name that is not Pratik (yes, this includes Jack, don't ask why, sometimes, it really ticks me off) And yet here I am, about to give you a pretty comprehensive list of all the names I've been called. Relax, don't get excited. This definitely doesn't mean you can pick out a name from the list and use one of them on me next time. Of course, this doesn't mean you start calling me Pratik, just because it annoys me sometimes (you'd probably laugh your ass off calling me Pratik, and I'll laugh my ass off in return) Stick to the old name. Just don't give me any more nicknames!! .... Bas ho gaya yaar ab ... :)

I have a lot of nicknames, no exaggeration. My (exaggerated) theory is that if I had my back to all the people I know and they called out my name, I could recognize who it was just by the name they use to call me (you can look at it two ways : either I don't know enough people or I have too many nicknames).

I know, I know - you all are probably wondering why is this guy so expasperated over his nicknames and will evetually quote Shakespeare : "What's in a name?" (some of you probably don't even know that it's Shakespeare, shame on you guys!!) It's a pain living a life of multiple nicknames. It's come to a point where nobody knows who Pratik is. Take the following phone conversation for example :

Caller : Hello.
Pratik : Hello.
Caller : Who is this?
Pratik : Pratik.
Caller : Kaun?
Pratik : Pratik!!
Caller : Pratik? .... Kaun Pratik?
Pratik : ........... Abbe, Jack bol raha hoon!!!
Caller : Toh aisa bol naa!

Precursory warning : Do not apply reason to any of the following nicknames. Just take it on face value, or word value rather.
  • Pratik (or simply Patel) - this is the best one!
  • Patrick - pretty obvious why
  • Jack (the most popular one, variations : Jackkkkkk - ek dum intensity ke saath, Jackie, Whacko Jacko) - "Why Jack?" If I had a dollar for every instance I've had to (reluctantly) answer that one. So here's the story : Once upon a time, a few desi Florida Tech freshmen became friends. As happens with a group of people who start hanging out with each other, they started having nicknames for each other. The first person to get a nickname was Manoj, a Tamil guy from Singapore. Now, Arjun derived a nickname for Manoj : Daaku; he probably thought Manoj looked like one (FYI, I didn't think he looked like one) Up until then, I was the only one who wasn't christened with a nickname. Now, Daaku didn't like the attention he was getting (that's what I think - but hey, I'm the one telling the story here, so that's the way it's going to be :D), so he had to divert it towards someone else. Enter yours truly. So on a sunny day with clear, blue skies, he calls me Jack in front of the whole gang. "Huh? What?" Now, Manoj saw a movie called Aa Ab Laut Chale and he was amazed by this one character. The character is a Gujju NYC cop. He is Jaikishan Patel by night and (lo and behold) Jack Patel by day. So I was named after a lame character in a pathetic Bollywood movie. I hate that movie!! You know what, nobody remembers who Daaku was, but Jack ....
  • McDD (or MDD) - amusing to the inventor because it rhymes with JackDD
  • Jake the Snake (or simply Jake, some people don't like it so they use Snake!!) - named after the famous WWF wrestler Jake the Snake Roberts
  • JackBuster (or just Buster, which is annoying to no limit) - derived from BlockBuster, the movie rental store (if 200 people wanted to watch 200 different movies, on their own, the same night, then I could probably open my own BlockBuster, I mean JackBuster)
  • Jackpa Tel (rhymes with AlcaTel - btw, you're 'supposed' to say it simultaneously : Jackpa (pause) Tel (pause) Alca (pause) Tel) - don't ask why because even I don't know
  • Jack Black Quack Quack (or just Quack Quack - One crazy idiot has left me voicemail messages that consisted of just two words : quack, quack. If this isn't ridiculous, then what is?) - again, do not ask
  • JP of TPI - Jack Patel of a certain industry. Let's just say a friend wanted to use my brand name (quite literally!!) for business purposes. I will say no more.
  • Black Jack - apparently, I'm black!! :)
  • PDD
  • KK Patel - named after the not-so-famous Kitchen King Masala, apparently I cook well
  • Hanuman Patel - devised when I had swollen lips due to a cricket pitch mishap. In times of such an injury, you treat the guy with an ice pack. What did I get treated with? An ice pack .... and yet another nickname!!
  • Put-put Patel
  • Pumping Patel - What was I doing at that point of time? Filling in air in my bike's deflated tyres. I probably reached such a stage wherein I didn't have to do anything to get a nickname, it just happened ... just like that.
  • Nanak Patel - I will not delve into this one, horrendously ridiculous!! (Saurabh, you bastard ... :D)
  • PJP (Pratik Jack Patel) - amusing to the inventor because it rhymes with BJP
So there you have it, stupidity, franchise outlets, animals and even religious figures!! You've heard of 'master of all trades'? Now you know who I am .....

I've probably missed some, for good reason of course. For e.g. I didn't reveal my first nickname, the nickname my parents gave me. None of you, except my sister, know that one (and you better keep it that way). I'm one nickname lesser. Phew!

P.S. This isn't official, but my New Year resolution is to update my blog more frequently, a lot more frequently since I have more free time on hand. If I live upto it, it's official, or else ...... you've been warned about how lazy I can be.


Bharath Hemachandran said...

Awesome post Jackie... jack, quack quack!!!

seriously awesome. I laughed my ass off the whole time as I was reading this!

Pratik said...

:) Thank you, thank you.

Amit said...

jackpa tel... hilarious post. really cracked me i see most of these are the once u got in FL, any additions from the cleveland gang?

Amit said...

dude, u forgot JP of TPI.
that has to mentioned.
now will u reaveal what it stands for or u want me to?

Pratik said...

@ Amit
No new nicknames in Cleveland. Bye bye to new nicknames. :)

You're right, JP of TPI deserves a mention. I just added it. I hope you didn't expect a very elaborate explanation. :)

Manan said...

I have actually thought quite seriously about new names. I think one is on the way..pretty soon..
till then...everybody hold on to your panties :)

I just need to drink 3 beers and it will be like poetry..

Manan said...

By the way...
JP of TPI stands for Jack Patel of the Thai Porn Industry.

I think it was a brilliant business plan, unfortunately it met an untimely death.

Pratik said...

No Manan, you are not allowed to have any beer, sorry. :)

neha said...

Hey Prateek.... oh sorry did I take a wrong name.....[:)].. Great names..... interesting part is all are around the 'great' guy Jack Patel......and that is YOU!!!!!!!!